Behind the Strings Read online

  It took me a minute to find him, but when I did, I knew exactly who he was. His name was Hunter Jenson. He was a reporter for the local news channel. I watched his “Nashville Nights” segment every Wednesday as he spilled the beans about celebrity sightings, local events, and other entertainment happenings here in Music City. I had, not happily, been a story or two over the last couple of weeks and I could only imagine what he was trying to get to reveal on this week’s edition.

  “I’ve got this,” Jaycie said as she slowly stood from the table.

  She pulled her sunglasses over her eyes and flipped her hair before walking slowly in Hunter’s direction. The hand closest to him held her cell phone, and she fixed her eyes on it as she drew closer to him. Her path purposely blocked his camera angle, which must have been her way of verifying his intentions. I could see out of the corner of my eye him lean away from her as she obstructed his view, his phone still intent on capturing me.

  Still looking down at her phone, Jaycie walked straight into Hunter’s table. She made sure there was enough force to topple his drink over and spill onto his lap. The phone dropped immediately and Hunter jumped to his feet.

  “Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” she said.

  “Next time watch where you’re going,” he spat.

  “I’ll get you some napkins, really, I’m so sorry, clumsy me.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh as Jaycie continued to make a scene. She called out for the waiter and attempted to pat his pants dry with napkins.

  “Whoa, whoa,” Hunter said as he backed away. “I think I can take it from here.”

  “By all means,” Jaycie said. “My apologies again, sir.”

  A smirk crossed her face as she sat back down across from me. We both hid our faces in laughter and I gave her an under-the-table high-five before we called for the check. Hunter had moved tables by the time we got up to leave. I was no longer in clear view of him, but I’m pretty sure he had enough adventure for the day because his phone was no longer in sight anyway.

  “Thank you for that,” I said to Jaycie.

  “Hey, I’ve always got your back girl. We should do this more often.

  “Cause scenes at restaurants?” I asked.

  “Funny,” she said, “I mean go out, do something that doesn’t involve work. Maybe it’s time to bring our trivia nights back into the schedule.”

  I nodded. Jaycie and I were no stranger to trivia nights. When we first started at Behind the Strings, we used to make it a weekly thing. We had slacked off on it within the past year due to lack of time, but I think she was right. With everything going on, it would be nice to have some fun back in my life.

  13

  It was well passed my bedtime when Logan’s name flashed across my phone. My head jerked from the pillow as I reached my hand towards the noise. I have to admit, when I heard his voice on the other end of the line the anxiety and stress that had been boiling inside of me seemed to dissipate. His voice was soothing as he asked how I was doing.

  “I’m hanging in there,” I said.

  I told him about the incident that happened with Jaycie earlier that day. He laughed about the spilled drink and applauded Jaycie for her being so crafty. Then he apologized again for all the trouble I’d been going through.

  “You don’t have to be sorry. This isn’t anybody’s fault.”

  “I know, and it will blow over, it always does.”

  Logan told me about the time he did a few tour dates with a big-name female artist. One morning they both woke up to find that they were engaged. At least, according to the tabloids they were. The story came out of nowhere. That there weren’t even any compromising pictures as there had been with us. It took about six weeks or so, but a high-profile separation overtook the story and soon it was all forgotten.

  We both laughed this time then changed the subject to life on the road. I have to admit a hint of envy came over me as I listened to Logan talk about all of his adventures. He worked hard every day on radio station tours and each night performing in a different city, but there were some days he got to relax, sightsee and take in his surroundings. He talked about visiting the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, Baltimore’s Inner Harbor and tasting one of Philly’s authentic cheesesteaks for the first time.

  “I could totally go for some sushi right now, my stomach is growling,” I said.

  “Sushi? Really?” he asked.

  “What? I forgot to eat dinner, I’m hungry.”

  “Well, that doesn’t surprise me. Your stomach has always been nocturnal, but since when do you like sushi? You’ve always been a bland eater. No ketchup on your eggs. Nothing but red sauce on your pasta and certainly no raw fish rolled up in seaweed.”

  “Oh yes, those were the days. I’ve changed since then,” I said, placing my hand on my stomach. “Man, all that food talk has my stomach growling.”

  “Ha, maybe you haven’t changed all that much after all,” Logan said.

  He spent the rest of the conversation reminding me of the times I had tiptoed out of my house and woke him up with the patter of rocks at his second-story window in the middle of a Saturday night. We had seen our fair share of sunrises during our high school years thanks to my ravenous appetite.

  We may not have had much in our small town of Hamden growing up, but one place I sure missed now that I was settled here in Nashville was Louie’s Hot Dogs. The only place open past midnight within fifty miles or so. Everyone would flock there after nights at Sweetwater Bistro for one last hurrah before they headed home for the night. Not me, though; for some reason I always did the opposite. Logan would walk me home after his shows and I’d be asleep within minutes of my head hitting the pillow. A couple hours later, though, I’d wake up craving a chilidog and off I went. Chilidogs were literally the only non-bland food (as Logan would say) that I would eat growing up. The old me was not a fan of mixing foods together, but there was something about Louie’s that I couldn’t resist.

  Louie would pile on the extra chili for both of us and we’d carry them over to the park across the street. We’d walk out to the end of the dock and dangle our bare feet in the pond as we stuffed our faces with those chilidogs. Then we’d just sit there, my head on Logan’s shoulder. Sometimes we’d talk and other times we’d fall asleep until the glistening of the sun bounced off the water. Then we’d both sneak back home and I’d catch just a little more sleep until my mom came home and started the usual Sunday pancake breakfasts.

  “We need to find a Louie’s here in Nashville. My stomach just got a serious craving.”

  “Ha! Well, it’s not open late night, but there is a hot dog stand in East Nashville that has one heck of a chili cheese dog.”

  “We’re going next time you’re home.”

  “Well, that’s actually why I called,” Logan said.

  It seemed Logan would be home sooner than he had thought. Craig, one half of the duo he was touring with, had fallen ill, and they had to postpone a few of the dates so he could rest up a bit. Logan’s manager scheduled a few hometown shows for him in the meantime and he’d be coming into town in less than 72 hours.

  The nostalgia of our conversation made me more excited than ever for Logan to get home. I loved reminiscing about the good times. Making plans for hot dog stands made me feel like I was eighteen again. I drifted off to sleep to the sound of Logan’s goodbye and a vision of our feet swinging above the water off the fishing docks.

  14

  “Trouble sleeping again?” Jaycie asked as I plopped my breakfast sandwich on my desk.

  “On the contrary, I slept very well, actually. Once I got off the phone, at least.”

  “Oh?”

  “Don’t get too excited,” I said.

  I told her about my conversation with Logan and that I was feeling much better about everything. It would still most likely take everything I had not to click on a headline should I see one while browsing the internet, but the less I read about our alleged relationship, the more
I could find a sense of normality until it all blew over.

  “Well, at least you two are apart for a while. Can you imagine what it will be like once you two are seen together again?” Jaycie said.

  My eyes widened. I hadn’t even really thought of that. I took a few ferocious bites of my breakfast sandwich before I told Jaycie about Logan’s detour back to Nashville. Now I could only imagine what our trip to the hot dog stand would be like. I could see the headlines now:

  “Logan Kent and secret lover relish their time together”

  “Logan Kent red-hot for his new girlfriend”

  I shook more creative phrases out of my head.

  “Although you may get lucky. A few pretty high-profile celebrities just announced they were breaking up, so you may be replaced in the gossip department.”

  “Good gosh, I hope so,” I said.

  “In all seriousness, though,” Jacyie said, “how long have you known Logan?”

  “My whole life. We’re literally like 12 hours apart in age.”

  “And you’ve never once…you know?”

  I could see her gesture in the chair and almost fell out of mine. I wish I had one of those super fun stories to tell her about how he was my first time or how we did it on a blanket in the middle of the cornfield underneath the stars after prom or something, but she was about to be disappointed. Apart from the night Logan moved out of Hamden, there had never been anything of that sort between the two of us. A few moments of his lips on mine was all there ever was.

  “But why?” Jaycie whined. “He’s so good-looking.”

  “It’s just never been that way and now it’s just complicated.”

  “And you never think about it? Like ever?”

  It was never much in detail, but there were definitely times after he left that I wondered what it would’ve been like to be with Logan. Whether it was a romantic one-time thing or a long-term love fest, I had thought about both during those weeks of crying. I’d wondered if I made the right decision not going with him and if maybe Logan was onto something, but even when I tried, I couldn’t actually see it. The white picket fence, the kids in the yard, it was never there for me. Maybe not never, but definitely not with Logan. Not at that point, anyway. I was still so young back then and had a lot of growing up to do. I still did.

  “I kind of feel like maybe you have been doing some thinking about it,” I said.

  “Well if we’re being honest, I would by no means object to a night of passion with a man who has an ass like that.”

  I shuttered thinking about it. I’m not sure if it was the idea of Jaycie and Logan together or thinking about Logan naked and in a compromising position, but it kind of creeped me out.

  For most of the day after that I had to kick myself when those thoughts popped into my head. Jaycie may have scarred me for at least the near future. I felt like now when he came home I would find myself judging everything Logan did as if he was making some kind of sexual gesture. I’d watch him squirt a ketchup bottle or reach down to tie his shoe or walk behind him and this conversation right here would come bubbling back up again.

  Damn you, Jaycie, what have you done?

  15

  The first night Logan was home we ended up at dinner at my favorite burger joint. There was nothing in Nashville that could hold a candle to Burger Mayhem when it came to my appetite. When I showed up that Wednesday evening outside, Logan was already outside the restaurant waiting. Finally, he was learning. This time I wasn’t going to have to be stared at by restaurant-goers thinking I’d been stood up.

  It started right then, as I knew it would. I didn’t see his broad shoulders the same anymore. When he hugged me I felt the muscles Jaycie so vividly described, the ones I had missed until then. I purposely made sure to walk in front of him up the stairs so I didn’t find myself staring at him from behind.

  I could smell the island goodness of my Hawaiian-style burger as the waiter placed my dish in front me. The grilled pineapple sat perfectly on top of my burger that was drizzled in a sweet-and-sour dijonnaise sauce. Logan put a handful of fries in his mouth while I preferred to savor the beef first.

  “Wow, you weren’t kidding. You sure have changed from the girl I once knew,” Logan said.

  “I told ya” I said in between bites.

  He laughed as I caught the pineapple that escaped my mouth.

  “Pineapple on your burger. Dijoinnaise instead of ketchup. I’m seriously in awe.”

  “Oh come on, I wasn’t that bad.”

  “Not that bad? What about that time with the hash browns and maple syrup?” He asked.

  I couldn’t believe he remembered that. Mama’s Sunday morning breakfasts always consisted of pancakes, hash browns and sausage. Logan attended at least one of them a month. One time, she poured the syrup onto my plate and it soaked into the bottom of my hash browns. I cried immediately and refused to eat anything in front of me. She finally gave up the “it won’t kill you” speech and just fixed me another plate.

  “Wow, I forgot about that,” I said.

  I was still like that when I first moved to Nashville. Before I fell in love with Soulful Grinds though, I hopped around to many different coffee houses and attended most of their songwriter nights. It was a great way for me to stay inspired by words and people with dreams. One night I met a guy named Brendan. He was a songwriter with a publishing deal who performed all over Nashville. The last song he sang was probably one of the most beautiful melodies I’d ever heard. As a hopeful journalist at that point, I went up and introduced myself to him and we started talking. He probably knew the moment I ordered my plain back coffee with a hint of nonfat milk that I wasn’t the adventurous kind. We met up several times after that and each time I proved that more and more.

  He took me out to dinner one night at a fancy French restaurant. Apparently we had talked about that one night when he was testing me and my traditional ways and I had gone on about my love of French food. I felt awful at that point, since I was pretty sure most if not all of his paycheck was going toward this dinner, so I went along with it, not wanting to embarrass him (or myself, as a matter of fact). I couldn’t pronounce anything on the menu, but I ordered from it anyway like I was a connoisseur. When each course came to our table I stared at it for a terrified minute before taking a bite.

  I will admit, even though I was utterly uncomfortable the entire night since I had no idea what I was putting in my mouth, I was proud of myself for stepping outside my comfort zone. The food was impeccable and Brendan and I had a great night of conversation.

  Once I got home I did a little research on what I had ordered and my jaw dropped.

  Grilled Octopus

  Chicken-fried rabbit

  My stomach began to churn at the thought of it. Never again would I lie about the type of food I liked to eat. Although I would never knowingly eat octopus and rabbit ever again, from that day I did start to venture a little more into bolder food choices. It was sort of an empowering moment for me. My ultimate reason for leaving Hamden was to find my way into a bigger world that had been shut away by a man who didn’t deserve that kind of power over me. Letting go of my rigid, inflexible taste of food choices was the first step of releasing the hold that he had on me.

  “I’m very impressed,” Logan said, scooping another handful of French fries into his ketchup.

  “That you should be. I even dip my French fries in my milkshakes sometimes.”

  “Uh-uh, no way,” he said.

  “Yup, not kidding. I’ll show you once we order dessert. The spiked milkshakes here are the best.”

  I couldn’t believe in all his years Logan had never been here before. It felt kinda nice to introduce him to something new. Especially the spiked milkshakes. No matter how full you were at Burger Mayhem, you never left without ordering dessert. Logan and I got ours to go.

  “Oh my god, this is so good,” he said, taking a sip. “Have you ever tried this one?”

  I shook my head. When it
came to the milkshakes, I never cheated on my chocolate Kahlua. I even felt guilty then as Logan tipped his straw toward me, but he was right. Salted caramel and bourbon was a heavenly match.

  “Man, Jesse would love this. He’s a bourbon freak,” Logan said.

  “Your musician friend, Jesse?” I asked. Logan nodded. “What’s his story?”

  “The same as most of us, I imagine. He’s a pretty quiet dude, doesn’t say too much. Moved here from Austin, I know that.”

  “He seems nice,” I said.

  “He’s a really great guy. I haven’t known him long, but he’s definitely one of the most talented musicians I’ve ever met. Passionate about the music, not about the fame. Why, you interested?”

  I shook my head, but that might have been a lie. I was curious, at least. That night at Shotguns, Jesse definitely intrigued me. It might have been the way he hugged me, or maybe the way I caught him glancing my way, but the second Logan brought up his name I felt a twinge of excitement inside of me.

  I watched as Logan took an indulgent sip of his shake and quickly change the subject.

  “See, what would you do without me?” I asked. “You’d be missing out on something as amazing at that.”

  He took another sip from his straw and switched hands to wrap his arm around me.

  “I would surely be missing out on something amazing, all right.”

  I felt his lips press against the top of my head. He pulled me in tighter as we walked. I wrapped my arm behind his back to steady myself as I leaned into him.

  “You’re my best friend, you know that?” I asked.

  He laughed, “You know, Celia, I’m actually quite aware. I promise, you don’t have to keep reminding me.”

  I gave him a gentle slap across his stomach. With every step we took, I wondered where it was that we were going. Two kids from the middle of nowhere, Tennessee, torn apart by the one thing we loved and brought back together because of it. Music was our life and now we were in the city that held the heart of it all. He was mine again in the way I had been longing for so long and I was his. My hope was that it would be enough for both of us.